So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
