every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize