Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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