just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
