Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
