I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
