How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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