dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
