I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
