Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
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I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
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Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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