This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
