He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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