Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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