were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
