I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
