Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
