I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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