im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize