I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
