apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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