A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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