his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
