somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
