Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
