I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
