I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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