New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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