I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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