just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
