Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
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He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
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He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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