Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
