Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
