i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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