There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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