You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
