Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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