At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Your penis caused this!
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