pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
