Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
