rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
