puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
