i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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