and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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