How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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