So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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