Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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