You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
