The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
