Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
