She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
