Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
