THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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