Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
