Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
