By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
