I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
