Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
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knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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