So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
