Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
