I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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