Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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