They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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