a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
