the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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