Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
