My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
