I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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