Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
no you cant smoke seaweed
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
