yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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