I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
