now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Farmville is her only friend.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
