Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just want nice things and good sex
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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