u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
