I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
