how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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