so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
