he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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