matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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