I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
