So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
